Beauty in the Breakdown

Drink up, baby, down
Mmm, are you in or are you out?
Leave your things behind
'Cause it's all going off without you

Excuse me, too busy
You're writing your tragedy
These mishaps you bubble wrap
When you've no idea what you're like

So let go, so let go, hmm, jump in
Oh, well, whatcha waiting for? It's alright
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

So let go, yeah let go, just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here, it's alright
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

It gains the more it gives
And then it rises with the fall
So hand me that remote
Can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow?

Such boundless pleasure
We've no time for later now
You can't await your own arrival
You've twenty seconds to comply

So let go, so let go and jump in
Oh, well, whatcha waiting for? It's alright
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

So let go, yeah, let go, just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here, it's alright
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

Love Song to Myself

I grew up waiting. In every sense of the word. One of the downsides of punctuality, I guess. I hate having people wait for me, why can't they do the same. Always wondered about that. Then, I grew older and realized if I kept waiting, maybe nothing, or no one, will come. Still, at 41, there's like this faint voice in my head that's telling me to wait. But time's a-ticking. I can't afford to anymore.

Wish I could sit down with my 14-year-old self, shake her up a bit, make her take down notes. Maybe I wouldn't be as chipped as I am now. I'd start with something like, Hey! Yes, you, listen here. Stop being a baby and grow a pair. You keep looking out that window, keep counting the cars and people that pass you by, waiting for someone to rescue you when you can rescue yourself. Do us both a favor and just stop.

And I'd play this song for her. For us.

Are your hands shaking?
Are your fists breaking?
Are you climbing over walls?
Are the times changing?
Is the noise fading?
'Cause I wanna get it all

I kinda feel like I, feel like I saw the light
You got me way up, a thousand miles
Can we stay right here in this atmosphere?
Or are you afraid to fall?

Don't look down
Up this high, we'll never hit the ground
Don't look down
See that sky, we're gonna reach it now
Do you feel the lightning inside of you?
Will you follow through if I fall for you?
Don't look down
Up this high, we'll never hit the ground

FOUR Score and Thirteen Years Ago

Wow, 13 years. I typed it in the title and it just hit me now how far long ago I did this...questionnaire. I lifted this off my old blog which I posted in 2008. Grandma, I know. lol Thought I'd do a do-over but keep the answers that still hold true. Text in red are updated answers. I could come back from time to time to change some answers, but for now...

4 things you may not know about me. In NO particular order:

Four (paying) jobs I've had

1. customer service associate

2. cover song artist

3. magazine columnist

4. educator (seems like teaching has been a common theme for me)

Four people who e-mail me regularly 

1. Tina

2. Hatch

3. my daughter

4. Chris

Four of my favorite foods

1. fajitas

2. pizza

3. cheese

4. grilled [put meat, fish or vegetable here]

Four places I would rather be right now

1. Maryland with my family

2. Montreal

3. Ireland

4. a U2 concert, or the beach -- this is a close tie (still so true)

Four movies I could watch over and over

1. Clueless

2. He's Just Not That Into You

3. The Holiday

4. The Greatest Showman

Four places where I've lived 

1. Aberdeen

2. Greenland

3. Riverfront

4. Greenwoods

Four TV shows I watch religiously (reruns and downloads included)

1. Friends

2. Felicity

3. Sex and the City

4. Doctor Who

Four bands I've been associated with

1. Captain Planet meets The Eraserheads (highschool freshman year)

2. Blush (high school band)

3. Kabutehan & Friends (jammed with a few times)

4. Vodka Monkey (name we gave ourselves when my friends and I played RockBand)

Four words I say a lot

1. hey

2. awesome

3. surely

4. omg

Four things I hate about living here

1. traffic

2. the heat

3. red tape/political situation

4. there's always a line for everything everywhere

Four things I love about my country

1. low cost of living

2. generally friendly and hospitable

3. the apotheosis of family, spirituality, and tradition

4. the beaches (after all, there are more than 7,000 islands)

Four things I carry with me (virtually) everywhere

1. cellphone

2. hand sanitizer

3. essential oils

4. some cash

Four movies that I could intensely relate to

1. Elizabethtown (Orlando Bloom, Kirsten Dunst)

2. If Only (Jennifer Love Hewitt, Paul Nicholls, Tom Wilkinson)

3. The Truth About Cats and Dogs (Janeane Garofalo, Uma Thurman, Ben Chaplin)

4. This Is 40 (Leslie Mann, Paul Rudd)

Four books that changed me forever

1. She's Come Undone (Wally Lamb)

2. The Alchemist (Paulo Coelho)

3. Essential Oils Desk Reference

4. The Bible and my devotionals/journals

Four best feelings in the world

1. being loved

2. being safe

3. being trusted, acknowledged, accepted

4. finishing something and being great at it

Four things I wish I was holding right now

1. white sand and a cold drink

2. travel documents and valid visas

3. the winning lottery ticket

4. the universal cure for cancer, aids, and c0v!d

Four things I love

1. music

2. essential oils

3. fiction

4. food

Four people I wish to meet

1. Mary Young

2. Ethan Hawke (would still very much to pick that brain)

3. Daniel (edited the name, but always meant him)

4. my future grandkids

Four things I wish to do before I die

1. travel more

2. write more songs

3. affect & inspire more people

4. make peace with everyone

Four people I know who really make me laugh

1. Tricia

2. Tuesday

3. Mom's side of the family (paraphrased)

4. Daniel

Four people I know who inspire me the most

1. Obie and my daughter (always)

2. the leaders I work with and my team

3. people who've overcome sickness and adversities

4. people who have less than I do, but still feel happy to be alive

Eleven Eleven

3 online meetings (wait, or was it 4) and a big sale drop at midnight last night AND at 3 this afternoon…I don’t need to spell it out but yeah, it was mighty busy. And somehow, in the middle of all that, I managed to feed my family, clean up after everyone, run to the ATM, and sneak in a 40 minute nap.

That’s probably my high of the day right there. Naps are almost non-existent in my vocab. But time of the month plus the migraine attacks PLUS all these crazy sales going on at work - the nap was kind of a welcome inevitability.

How about you, Void? How’d your day go?

Standstill

Hello, Void. Gawd, how I’ve missed you. Yes, 2021, and nearing the end of the year. It has been a while, certainly.

A lot has happened since, as you can imagine. Biggest change is the pandemic and all the lockdowns that happened. Close to 2 years since it hit and we’ve been doing homeschool and work-from-home. We brought our daughter to the pool in our village just a couple of days ago and I swear, she struggled in the water for a bit. It’s like she forgot how to swim. My heart broke a little. Of course by the time we left, she got her mermaid groove back and recalled the basics. But man, for someone to forget something like that, it’s unsettling.

I’m also into the whole wellness thing now. Yeah, yeah, you’re laughing, I know. I live breathe sleep essential oils. I workout at least twice a week. Back in September I worked out every single day, can you believe it? I still couldn’t. Haha but yeah, got through that alive. Barely. 

I’ve made new friends, rekindled old friendships, lost some too. As we get older we realize that handful of people who are really worth your time. The rest are just really good at time-suckage and yeah, we gotta let those ones go. Life's too short, and all that.

What else. Well, I guess that’s the last 3 years in a nutshell. You’ll be seeing more of me, I hope that’s ok. Like you have a choice. Pester you more later, Void. 

xxoo Fritz