What's New, 2022?

I've been thinking about what my word for 2022 will be. When I think of a word for the new year, it usually just comes to me. For this one, it took a while, but I think now I know.

Last year's was BREAKTHROUGH. I carried that with me all 365 days. Literally. Like I had a vision board on my phone that spelled it out. Did I actually break through? I'd like to think so. In quite a few ways. Not exactly how I imagined I would, but I did. 

Having survived yet another year during the pandemic was the biggest of them all. Not just for myself but for everyone who got sick and got better, had someone in their family get sick and recover, lost husbands/wives/children/parents/loved ones, got stuck at home and had to hit pause on life and is ready to press play again. 

Towards the end of the year there I thought it was getting better; people were completing their shots, herd immunity was finally catching up to the terrible virus. But alas, cases are going up again because some people are just so hard-headed and selfish. When is this going to end. We all want to thrive in the new normal, not just keep fighting for survival.

Then came my word for 2022. I thought about it right after walking the dog this morning. With barely 3 hours of sleep and probably still some alcohol left in my bloodstream. Miracle.

I've been singing this praise song Light of the World all this Christmas season and it was right there in front of me. The world waits for a miracle...that's the first line of the first and last stanza.  And lately, my daughter has been madly obsessed with the Encanto movie (she's been dressing up as the lead character - curly hair and outfit and glasses and all - the last, what, 4 or 5 days lol it was cute at first but I've been begging her to change since) and there was one song in particular that she sang to me and her dad yesterday called Waiting on a Miracle. I mean, yeah. After realizing that, it was pretty clear Miracle was so going to be my word for 2022.

I am waiting for a miracle. It's true. And that hope that flickers in me still? I feel it's the passion burning inside of me that refuses to die. And I won't let it. Because no matter how bleak or pointless some things seem to be, there's always a reason for them. There's always a season. And I'm holding on to that hope, that miracle.

Another year, eh, void? I hope this one really is better, brighter, kinder. Happy new year.

Sound Bites: Shallow

After dinner, we parked by the piano and played some music...

Sound bite >>> here.

Beauty in the Breakdown Too

Some days I’m a warrior. Some days I’m a broken mess. Most days I’m both. But everyday I’m here.

Standing. Fighting. Trying.

Beauty in the Breakdown

Drink up, baby, down
Mmm, are you in or are you out?
Leave your things behind
'Cause it's all going off without you

Excuse me, too busy
You're writing your tragedy
These mishaps you bubble wrap
When you've no idea what you're like

So let go, so let go, hmm, jump in
Oh, well, whatcha waiting for? It's alright
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

So let go, yeah let go, just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here, it's alright
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

It gains the more it gives
And then it rises with the fall
So hand me that remote
Can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow?

Such boundless pleasure
We've no time for later now
You can't await your own arrival
You've twenty seconds to comply

So let go, so let go and jump in
Oh, well, whatcha waiting for? It's alright
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

So let go, yeah, let go, just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here, it's alright
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

Love Song to Myself

I grew up waiting. In every sense of the word. One of the downsides of punctuality, I guess. I hate having people wait for me, why can't they do the same. Always wondered about that. Then, I grew older and realized if I kept waiting, maybe nothing, or no one, will come. Still, at 41, there's like this faint voice in my head that's telling me to wait. But time's a-ticking. I can't afford to anymore.

Wish I could sit down with my 14-year-old self, shake her up a bit, make her take down notes. Maybe I wouldn't be as chipped as I am now. I'd start with something like, Hey! Yes, you, listen here. Stop being a baby and grow a pair. You keep looking out that window, keep counting the cars and people that pass you by, waiting for someone to rescue you when you can rescue yourself. Do us both a favor and just stop.

And I'd play this song for her. For us.

Are your hands shaking?
Are your fists breaking?
Are you climbing over walls?
Are the times changing?
Is the noise fading?
'Cause I wanna get it all

I kinda feel like I, feel like I saw the light
You got me way up, a thousand miles
Can we stay right here in this atmosphere?
Or are you afraid to fall?

Don't look down
Up this high, we'll never hit the ground
Don't look down
See that sky, we're gonna reach it now
Do you feel the lightning inside of you?
Will you follow through if I fall for you?
Don't look down
Up this high, we'll never hit the ground

FOUR Score and Thirteen Years Ago

Wow, 13 years. I typed it in the title and it just hit me now how far long ago I did this...questionnaire. I lifted this off my old blog which I posted in 2008. Grandma, I know. lol Thought I'd do a do-over but keep the answers that still hold true. Text in red are updated answers. I could come back from time to time to change some answers, but for now...

4 things you may not know about me. In NO particular order:

Four (paying) jobs I've had

1. customer service associate

2. cover song artist

3. magazine columnist

4. educator (seems like teaching has been a common theme for me)

Four people who e-mail me regularly 

1. Tina

2. Hatch

3. my daughter

4. Chris

Four of my favorite foods

1. fajitas

2. pizza

3. cheese

4. grilled [put meat, fish or vegetable here]

Four places I would rather be right now

1. Maryland with my family

2. Montreal

3. Ireland

4. a U2 concert, or the beach -- this is a close tie (still so true)

Four movies I could watch over and over

1. Clueless

2. He's Just Not That Into You

3. The Holiday

4. The Greatest Showman

Four places where I've lived 

1. Aberdeen

2. Greenland

3. Riverfront

4. Greenwoods

Four TV shows I watch religiously (reruns and downloads included)

1. Friends

2. Felicity

3. Sex and the City

4. Doctor Who

Four bands I've been associated with

1. Captain Planet meets The Eraserheads (highschool freshman year)

2. Blush (high school band)

3. Kabutehan & Friends (jammed with a few times)

4. Vodka Monkey (name we gave ourselves when my friends and I played RockBand)

Four words I say a lot

1. hey

2. awesome

3. surely

4. omg

Four things I hate about living here

1. traffic

2. the heat

3. red tape/political situation

4. there's always a line for everything everywhere

Four things I love about my country

1. low cost of living

2. generally friendly and hospitable

3. the apotheosis of family, spirituality, and tradition

4. the beaches (after all, there are more than 7,000 islands)

Four things I carry with me (virtually) everywhere

1. cellphone

2. hand sanitizer

3. essential oils

4. some cash

Four movies that I could intensely relate to

1. Elizabethtown (Orlando Bloom, Kirsten Dunst)

2. If Only (Jennifer Love Hewitt, Paul Nicholls, Tom Wilkinson)

3. The Truth About Cats and Dogs (Janeane Garofalo, Uma Thurman, Ben Chaplin)

4. This Is 40 (Leslie Mann, Paul Rudd)

Four books that changed me forever

1. She's Come Undone (Wally Lamb)

2. The Alchemist (Paulo Coelho)

3. Essential Oils Desk Reference

4. The Bible and my devotionals/journals

Four best feelings in the world

1. being loved

2. being safe

3. being trusted, acknowledged, accepted

4. finishing something and being great at it

Four things I wish I was holding right now

1. white sand and a cold drink

2. travel documents and valid visas

3. the winning lottery ticket

4. the universal cure for cancer, aids, and c0v!d

Four things I love

1. music

2. essential oils

3. fiction

4. food

Four people I wish to meet

1. Mary Young

2. Ethan Hawke (would still very much to pick that brain)

3. Daniel (edited the name, but always meant him)

4. my future grandkids

Four things I wish to do before I die

1. travel more

2. write more songs

3. affect & inspire more people

4. make peace with everyone

Four people I know who really make me laugh

1. Tricia

2. Tuesday

3. Mom's side of the family (paraphrased)

4. Daniel

Four people I know who inspire me the most

1. Obie and my daughter (always)

2. the leaders I work with and my team

3. people who've overcome sickness and adversities

4. people who have less than I do, but still feel happy to be alive

Eleven Eleven

3 online meetings (wait, or was it 4) and a big sale drop at midnight last night AND at 3 this afternoon…I don’t need to spell it out but yeah, it was mighty busy. And somehow, in the middle of all that, I managed to feed my family, clean up after everyone, run to the ATM, and sneak in a 40 minute nap.

That’s probably my high of the day right there. Naps are almost non-existent in my vocab. But time of the month plus the migraine attacks PLUS all these crazy sales going on at work - the nap was kind of a welcome inevitability.

How about you, Void? How’d your day go?

Standstill

Hello, Void. Gawd, how I’ve missed you. Yes, 2021, and nearing the end of the year. It has been a while, certainly.

A lot has happened since, as you can imagine. Biggest change is the pandemic and all the lockdowns that happened. Close to 2 years since it hit and we’ve been doing homeschool and work-from-home. We brought our daughter to the pool in our village just a couple of days ago and I swear, she struggled in the water for a bit. It’s like she forgot how to swim. My heart broke a little. Of course by the time we left, she got her mermaid groove back and recalled the basics. But man, for someone to forget something like that, it’s unsettling.

I’m also into the whole wellness thing now. Yeah, yeah, you’re laughing, I know. I live breathe sleep essential oils. I workout at least twice a week. Back in September I worked out every single day, can you believe it? I still couldn’t. Haha but yeah, got through that alive. Barely. 

I’ve made new friends, rekindled old friendships, lost some too. As we get older we realize that handful of people who are really worth your time. The rest are just really good at time-suckage and yeah, we gotta let those ones go. Life's too short, and all that.

What else. Well, I guess that’s the last 3 years in a nutshell. You’ll be seeing more of me, I hope that’s ok. Like you have a choice. Pester you more later, Void. 

xxoo Fritz

I, 38

Since my last birthday, which was only 2 days ago, I realized a few things...

1) You can’t expect others to make you happy. Other people/things can make you smile, bring you joy from time to time. But only YOU can make yourself happy. This aha moment hit me when I saw a video of Wil Smith last night talking about a conversation he had with his wife Jada. 

2) If you fill a jar with ping pong balls, would you say it is full? If you add beads, does it become full then? If you add sand, is it really, totally full? If you add beer, wouldn’t that make it full? The jar is supposed to represent your life and everything you put into it. The balls represent your relationships. The beads represent things that matter a lot to you like your job or your home. The sand represents everything else including your possessions. If you fill the jar with sand or beads first, you won’t have any room for your ping pong balls. At the end of the day, no matter how full you think your jar is, there is always a little room for beer. The lesson? Put the people that matter most in your life first. Everything else can wait. Yes, even the beer. Watched a video about the whole jar thing this morning. Blew my mind.

3) “It’s not about you.” We spend most, if not all, of our days with ourselves that sometimes we tend to forget that we are not the center of the universe. I consider myself fair and logical, but I do feel like my melancholy is mostly rooted in the idea of people not getting me, people not giving me the time of day, people not seeing me. I know I deserve the same or even greater than the love I send out into the world. But I realized that the world doesn’t really owe me that love. It doesn’t owe me anything really. The world has bigger problems to deal with than little old me. So, it really isn’t JUST about me. That was the painfully harsh yet necessary truth I learned while watching Irreplaceable You on Netflix last night. 

4) Kindness, above all. I feel that loving comes easily to humans. We find something in common with someone and instantly there’s a connection. A field of shared experiences has just been created and we build walls around that, trying to preserve it every way we can. But love, truly, is so much more. Should BE much more. And kindness, mindfulness, selflessness are at the core of it. When you’re stuck in traffic and a car is making a signal to get in front of you, let them. When someone does something good, acknowledge them. When your kid looks at you while you’re on your phone, stop what you’re doing for a moment and smile at them. By doing these things, we’re not selling out, we’re not being pushovers, we’re not devaluing our own time. We’re making time. For kindness. And it fills holes in your heart you’ve never imagined could be patched up again.

5) Everything you ever want, everything you ever need, is here right in front of you...These are the last lines of The Greatest Showman. My husband, daughter and I caught the sing-along version of the movie on the night of my birthday. I’ve seen it 3 times before, but never the sing-along. The whole movie rocked me to my core. Every. Single. Time. But on that particular night, when those last lines were being played and the words were shown on the screen, the floodgates that were my tears just opened and I started nodding along. Big sigh. Of relief this time.

I asked God for a sign on my birthday. He sure gave me plenty.

A World Without Dolores

I was having the best dream. Then I woke up at 5:15 this morning and saw the headlines and friends’ tags on my FB feed. Dolores O’Riordan, front woman of The Cranberries, a true pioneer, an Irish angel, an inspiration to many, had passed away. She was only 46 years young. I stayed in bed for as long as I could. Got up only when my daughter demanded that I feed her.

I played her music all day. My daughter is slowly becoming familiar with the sound that has largely shaped my taste in music and my deep affinity (obsession?) with everything Irish. The first three Cranberries albums fueled my high school band’s repertoire. We played their songs, sung her words, connected each lyric and hook and bass line and beat to every human emotion we knew. And they continue to move me to my core. Even with her gone. Especially now that she’s gone. 

It was a sad day, truly. For her family and friends, no doubt. And for everyone who found solace in her music and in her voice.

Needless to say, the world will never be the same.

RIP Dolores.